French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating For Pleasure by Veuve Cliquot CEO, Mireille Guiliano is selling like hot cakes...pun intended.
And for those of you in or near San Francisco, you can discover first hand, from the living Grande Dame herself, her enigma for a mere $285 (that does of course include dinner at Aqua and a bit of the bubbly!) or... simply pay $14.96 on amazon or... I could just give away the ending and ruin all your fun... which I think I will, though I prefer to look at it as saving you $285.
Ms. Guiliano espouses that her "secret" is small portions, fresh fruits and vegetables, and a lot of walking and wine, or in her case champagne! Simply eat, drink and walk your way to thinness.
Uh…. Duuuuh! I could have told you that! As a matter of fact I did...just a few short months ago when I first moved to Paris... Here it is, My Paris Diet. That will be $285 please... or since I am not including dinner and bubbly, $14.96 will do. Such a deal!
Sent: Monday, August 16, 2004
Subject: My Paris Diet…
I just noticed it today. I think I’m losing a little weight! Could it be? Are my jeans actually....loose! Just out of the dryer and loose?! You mean I don't have to inhale to button them or bend over and squat down to stretch them out! Say it isn't so! Well knock me over with a feather! I didn’t try, really! I swear! No fancy diets or protein shakes, treadmills or berating trainers, thank God! So here it is...
My Paris Diet! No, not the Paris Hilton diet, which is no doubt a Molotov cocktail of amphetamines, prozac, vicadin and a little ecstasy thrown in when taping sexual exploits, but the Paris France diet! It was simply red wine, small portions, and a lot of walking! That's it, really! I ate butter, croissants, heavy cream, baguettes, and the occasional bacon cheese burger but it was all in small portions, with red wine, and walk, walk, walk! The secret to Parisian women!
Of course they all smoke like fiends, as do most cooks ironically enough, which we all know curbs your appetite but they do look oh-so sexy and sultry (French women, not cooks) the way the take long indifferent drags on their cigarette, inhaling, sucking in their cheeks, holding up their hand, wrist tilted back with their two fingers and cigarette extended, and exhaling gracefully, seductively, completely ambivalently and without the slightest effort. Now I don't smoke, never have and don't want to start so I wonder if that would work with a pen? Doubt it, and bubble gum just doesn’t carry the same panache, especially when it pops, smearing your bright red Chanel lip stick all over your face. So it’s 3 out of 4 for me with wine, small portions and walking. That I can do. And I don’t have to sweat, wear lycra, count points, weigh portions, calculate fat to protein to carb ratios, be in the zone, pee on a stick, or drink meals out of cans. God I love this city! :-)
OK, maybe it’s not quite that easy. First you have to quit your job, sell or give away most everything you own: car, furniture, clothes, books, shoes (e-gad!), etc. Then move to New York City and go to cooking school (no a/c during the summer!) where you are submerged into a hell unimaginable. Than you have to gain 40 pounds. Then, you have to work in a restaurant where your sous-chef doesn’t like you and constantly tries to get you fired or humiliate you to into quitting.
Then you have to be completely broke and move to France with everything you own in a duffle bag. Then you have to work on a lobster boat for 2 months. Then you have to move in with a friend in Paris who says you can stay there free for 3 months, then a week later you have to find an apartment (in Paris!) and move out because her mother decided to come live with her. Then you have to borrow money from another friend so that you can pay rent and stay in Paris, then you have to call your mother and borrow money to pay your friend back and stay in Paris a few more months...
OK now, now you are ready, now you can begin incorporating the Paris France diet into your life. Though after all that, Ms. Hilton's Molotov cocktail is sounding better and better...