Personal Space and PDA

Bonjour mes amis. I haven't ranted about anything in a while so after today's trip to the La Poste (post office) my fingers were itching to type, bare with me here....

During the past year and a half , whenever I noticed something in whatever culture I happened to be immersed in that day, I tried not to compare it to mine, to not say this is worse or this is better. I tried to see it as simply different and then to understand, based on their culture, just why they did things that way or thought a certain way about others. So rather than saying “the French way of shopping is so much better” or “the American way of business is so much better”, I try to look at these customs as unique, different, charming, but not better or worse.

However…..there is one thing that we do have in the US that is better. I don’t care what anyone says so spare me your nasty emails. I’ve experienced this in many other countries as well. And that thing is…..Personal Space. Capital P. Capital S.

Personal space, as in the 1-2 foot wide radius around you that people know not to invade unless otherwise invited. Now to figure out the why part is easy. In the US, we have tons of space (except perhaps if you live in New York City). We have spacious houses, spacious kitchens, spacious cupboards, spacious yards, copious amounts of storage space, spacious cars, and just plain space. We’re used to space, we like space and we are especially covetous of our Personal Space.

You don’t have that here. Cars are small. Apartments are small. Kitchens are small. Closets are small. Elevators are miniscule. I have renamed elevators make-out-evators, no relation to the wonka-vator, because if you are in one with another person, you are, for all intents and purposes, close enough to be making out.

I was standing in line at La Poste today to send a letter to my colocataires (flatmates) in San Francisco and the person behind me stood so close that I could feel him breathing. Was this necessary? Was he a freak? Was he trying to get the line to move faster by being 12 inches closer to the counter?  I kept inching forward and so did he. Finally I took my big heavy purse, swung it around, pretending to switch arms, and whacked him with it. I feigned a surprised apology "Oh, je suis désolé!" but he still didn’t get it.

So I turned around, flashed a big smile, and in my best franglais, purred “Please don’t stand so close.” You’d have thought I just told him I killed his mother. He mumbled somethign that I thankfully didn't understand but had I been able to, I am sure it would be unprintable on my humble little PG13 web site. Oh well, at least he backed off.  This happens all the time, people are literally pressed up against you -- for no reason! -- or leaning against you (really!) at the airport, the market, the museums, pastry shops, butchers, everywhere! And it drives me c-r-a-z-y!

Now I realize that I need to adapt to my surrounding, when in Rome… and all that, but this is one that I just can’t bring myself to do. Especially when the couple in front of me at La Poste was kissing and groping and slobbering all over each other like two dogs in heat. I wasn’t getting within 1-2 feet, much less 6 feet, of that mess. It was like sitting in the front row of the dolphin show at Marine World when I was 8 years old just waiting to get spashed….only then I anticipated it with excitement.

This Public Display of Affection that is so prevalent here can be rather charming and romantic say at the Trocadero at midnight looking out on the illuminated twinkling Eiffel Tower or on the Pont des Arts at the sun sets over Paris or a couple holding hands on a bench in the park, but in line at the post office! I was ready to hand them my credit card for a room at the Comfort Inn around the corner.  Now what was I saying about it not being better or worse, just different...?

C’est la vie. C’est la France.

Comments

[David Lebovitz]

Next time some man gets that physically close, turn around and say, "Don't you think you ought to at least buy me a drink first?"

[papilles et pupilles]

Fun and so right. I 'm french but I hate when people stand so close to me. Arghh. Yesterday, at the bakery, a woman was very very close to me(despite my handbag / rusksack) and brrr, she began to tough. Awful !

[Lil]

oh, the quirkiness you get elsewhere... surprisingly i didn't quite mind that so much (maybe because every time i was in paris, i was on holiday and it's difficult to be irritated when you're having fun)...

then again, small kitchen is one thing i can never abide... parisian flat with kitchen effectively a sink and a small cooking stove next to the main door just did me in! i want space in my kitchen, space to put everything everywhere, space to move around while i cook, space to cool things down, space to leave dirty dishes... ah, bliss... :)

[Corine]

You are so right about "Personal Space". I call it "mon espace vital", one of the many things I truly enjoy here in the US. It's also a question of discipline; in the US, the customers wait patiently behind the line. Pas en France, et puis quoi encore?