I loathe SuperShuttle!

I don’t mean to complain but this is getting ridiculous. Really. I am sure there are worse stories than mine, much worse, but I need to vent...  I loathe SuperShuttle. I really really really loathe them, them and their ubiquitous blue vans crawling about the city like cockroaches. So where does such enmity come from, you ask? Well, let me tell you.

I had a 9:30pm flight out of JFK and having blown the budget on meals decided to be prudent and take SuperShuttle ($19). I would have taken the subway ($8) and cool new airtrain but I overpacked, comme toujours (as usual), and knew that schlepping my beast of a suitcase up and down flights of stairs would wreak havoc on my back. Had I known what was really in store, I would have walked to the airport...but I digress...

I reserved a place on the 6:20pm shuttle as the agent said to plan on an hour to get to the airport. The longest it’s ever taken me to get to JFK was an hour and a half on a Friday afternoon of the 4 of July weekend. 6:20pm, no problem. Or so I thought... Did I mention that I loathe SuperShuttle? Anyways...

As I was checking out, a SuperShuttle van stopped by the hotel at 5:20pm so I thought pourquoi pas (why not)? I hopped on. I figured I’d get to the airport early, hopefully upgrade or at least get a better seat, and treat myself to a badly needed manicure/ pedicure/ neck massage. Sounds like a good plan to me. Unfortunately God, that prankster that he is, had another plan in mind as he so often does...

This driver must have hijacked the van because I spent the next three hours in hell.  I was his first stop then we headed to the heart of Times Square for a few other pick-ups. Most weren’t ready so we waited and circled and waited and circled. Circling Times Square. At 5:30pm!  Gas. Brake. Gas. Brake. Gas. Brake. An hour and a half later he had picked up two more travelers and then headed to the airport...or so I thought. 

Gas. Brake. Gas. Brake. Gas. Brake. One more Gas-Break and I was about to hurl my turkey sandwich. A half hour later we stop at a hotel downtown! And wait and wait and wait. I asked him what the you-know-what we were waiting for as I was supposed to be at the airport, uh, now!  He ran in to the hotel and a woman followed him out and jumped in the front seat. No doubt a friend...an unofficial friend that was obviously not on the official SuperShuttle reservation sheet. I was steaming.

Visions of my manicure/pedicure/neck massage at the Spa in Terminal 1 quickly vanished. I was going to have to pull an OJ Simpson (run through the airport, not kill a spouse) to catch my plane. So two hours out and I am still in Manhattan!  Lucifer (as I have now named the driver) assured me that I will make my flight and that he is headed for the airport. Why am I not buying this?  For the next hour we careened through the bowels of Brooklyn, gunning it at the green lights and slamming the brakes at the reds, passing and weaving and swerving. My temples were throbbing and my turkey sandwich was in acid reflux.

I once again began bargaining with God (never a smart thing to do). I promised him that if I got to the airport on time and in one piece... well never mind the Spa in Terminal 1, just get me there alive and uninjured. An hour later, so three hours in all, that blue van from hell screeched up at an angle to Terminal 1 wedging itself in between two limos. I flew out, grabbed my suitcase, threw my cash at the driver and ran to check in. I asked the attendant if I could have a better seat. He laughed. You see, I was the last one to check in!  Did I mention that I loathe SuperShuttle? 

It gets better...

I finally get through security, held up because someone didn’t take their laptop out of their bag! Hello!?  Unless you’ve lived under a rock the past 4 years, you know that near stripping is required to get through security and that you must take your laptop out of the bag. Anyways, I drag myself to the gate, glancing bitterly, enviously, resentfully at the people reclining in the spa, blissful smiles atop relaxed shoulders. Grrrrrrr.

I try to call SuperShuttle “customer service”. They no doubt trained with the United Airines “customer service” team as I was on hold for 20 minutes before I gave up. Either that or there were a lot of complaints that evening. I’m inclined to believe the latter. We start boarding within a few minutes. I sat down, stowed my carry on items, and fastened my seat belt low and tight across my waist. I immediately fell asleep. I guess I was a little, oh I don’t know...EXHAUSTED!

As we are taxiing to the runway, I wake up. My arm is wet, as is the seat next to me. I first thought I spilled my bottle of water but then I rememebred I didn't have water. I look up to see the stewardess wedging a napkin into a crack in the overhead bin. It seems the air conditioning is leaking. She said it usually happens just before take off when the plane is warming up. Excuse me? Did I hear that right? They know about this?! Now I’m flying Lufthansa so I can’t even blame United for this bit of abject incompetence.  She places a stack of napkins on the top of the seat next to me to replace the napkin currently wedged as it becomes too wet.

I am officially in hell. Really. The van-ride-from-hell and now Chinese water torture on a German airplane. Someone please kill me. The woman in the row behind me graciously agreed to take over napkin-wedging duty for a while so I gulped an Ambien and sleep for the next 6 hours. I woke up in the City of Lights, never happier to see the Air France bus, and ready to kiss the Champs-Elysees.

But it gets better....

I am now sick as the proverbial chien (dog). Between the van-ride-from-hell, the water torture, and the sheer exhaustion, my throat revolted. I dragged myself across the street to my pharmacy and feebly tried to explain to the pharmacist that I have a sore throat, that it hurts to swallow. Ma gorge fait tres mal, il blesse pour avaler. At least that is what I thought I said. I have no idea but the look on the poor man's face did not express pity at my malaise. I pointed to my throat, made a face, tried to swallow, made another face. I think he finally got it as I stumbled out with a pack of lozenges, some nasty throat spray that makes me gag, and a serious dose of vitamin C.  Someone please wake me up from this nightmare...

Comments

[jt]

Gee, Thanks! I just chanced upon your blog and read this post, just as I'm about to make a reservation with SuperSuttle and soon be on a 13+ hour United flight to Asia. Oh, did I mention I'll be traveling with my elderly (read: constant complaining and whining) Mother? And Dang, we're on a daytime flight, which means I can't even Ambien my way through it. I sure pray to the Man Upstairs that I do not run out of battery on my noise-cancelling headset!!

[Anne]

I will be eternally grateful to the Air France coaches that were running when almost nothing else was in early June of 2003--most everything was striking (including, of course, the Metro) and there was a threat of a "greve generale," so we didn't even know if the air traffic controllers were going to be working. But the Air France coaches were up and about, bless them.

Sentez-vous mieux!

[cindym]

honey, i now have a full bottle of good old american nyquil at the ready! call me and i will bring you a nice big dose! feel better...

[texmex]

And you were lucky that the flight didn't get advanced, as it did for us with 100kg of lugage and 2 littel kids!!! Flying has become no fun thanks to Mr Bush!

You should have taken an helicopter service from dowtown to JFK, that would have solved your problems... I wish you could lay in your bed, bush a button and you wake up at destination. We should re-invent travelling.

Hope at least, you have a good time in Paris.

[Cindy]

Poor you. What a journey ! Well, at least you got back to Paris in one piece. Hope you had a great time home.

[laura @ cucina testa rossa]

hi jt -- happy to help! :-) and *any* time is ok to take ambien as far as i'm concerned! ;-)

bonjour anne -- those air france buses are the best! :-)

cindy -- bring it on over! with my luck it's probably bird flu.... :-(

hi texmex -- oh that sounds awful :-( if we could just click our heels 3 times like dorothy...

[Lil]

oh dear... that is a journey d'enfer! i am now eternally grateful that even the ryanair flights i took never give me problem despite their supposedly shocking treatments to unfortunate travellers!

[Tina]

That sucks, but at least your back home! And you got to volunteer at the Beard dinner...that looks phenomenal!

[Bill Howard]

We too took SUPERSHUTTLE and it will be our first and last time. THEY ARE INCOMPETANT AND THE OPERATORS LIE JUST TO GET YOU OFF THE PHONE. When our driver pulled up to our hotel forty minutes late I asked him why he wasn't here on time and he just shrugged his shoulders as if to say " what do you want from me?? " then he drove all over Manhattan as though he didn't know where he was going. He also picked up a "friend" who kept everyone in the van waiting fifteen minutes and when she got in the van simply jumped in the front seat with a big smile and said "sorry I had to go to the ATM". The driver (a friend, no doubt) said nothing. The passangers were bull****. I cant say enough bad things about this poor excuse of a company. DON"T USE THEM EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

[laura @ cucina testa rossa]

hi bill -- sounds like we had the same driver!

tina -- so true! the dinner was amazing and, like dorothy, it is always good to come home.

cheers lil -- i've never flown ryanair, just the name scares me. but glad you've always had good luck with them!